Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I have a theory

Yikes. I kind of abandoned my little blog here for a week or so.

The good news is, you didn't miss much in the often-exciting, dependably hilarious, well-worth-reading-about life of Kate. I think I went grocery shopping, went to rehearsals, saw some friends and worked. You know. The usual. (I tried to type a shortened slang version of "the usual" that I often use in real life, but I could not for the life of me figure out how to spell it. The closest thing I could come up with was "The usse" but I'm pretty sure everyone would decide that their suspicions about the state of my mental health had been positively confirmed. Do you know what I'm talking about though?)

I don't have a lot to talk about right now.


Except for I thought of this theory. It's about depression. And when I say "depression" I'm talking about the diagnosable, chemical-imbalance type situation.

At the risk of sounding like a completely horrible person, I'm going to admit something. I have a really hard time sympathizing with people with depression. And I don't mean "I can't sympathize" in that I think they should suck it up and just get over it, I mean that I honestly cannot imagine having the kind of depression that affects so many people so dramatically. Of course I can relate to being sad about things, even heartbroken, and I can relate to those days where you just kind of feel "blah". But the depression that many people end up getting treated for eludes my personal experience.

So I was sitting here recently, contemplating this, and I came to a realization about myself. Not only am I a generally positive, optimistic person, but I actually get REALLY SUPER ANGRY when something happens in my life that compromises my ability to be happy. For example, when Ansley relapsed while I was in high school and had to begin chemotherapy, I was sad but I was also really super angry. Angry because I felt obligated to be sad and depressed because it was so obviously sad and depressing. But I didn't want to be. I was pissed off at cancer for making me be all sad and crap. I recall waiting eagerly for the shock of the diagnoses to pass so that we could settle into a routine, make the chemo part of our day-today life, and get back to being our regular goofy selves.

I realize this a peculiar reaction. But man, I just hate being sad. And I am more than willing to cut down my obligatory sad-time as much as humanly possible.

Here's where the theory comes in. If people can have a chemical imbalance in their brains that makes them prone to being depressed, can it also go the other direction? Can you have an imbalance in your brain that makes you more prone to being happy? Like extra happy? Can you have diagnosable happiness?

Because, I think I might have that.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think diagnosable happiness is a thing? Have you ever had depression? Are my views super offensive? Do you wanna go get some ice cream?

Lemme know!

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