Morning Glory

I love mornings. I've always been a morning person, but lately my job has been preventing me from enjoying them to their fullest extent (at least, not consciously). This morning, however, I awoke at the very early hour of 10:45am and have since been basking in the glory that is morning time on a weekday.

One of the very best things about this morning was that Ricky, who has later classes on Tuesdays, finally taught me how to make a latte on our very adorable espresso machine.  

So vintage! So sassy!

To be honest, I've never really been that fond of coffee. Until I graduated college and started working at a bakery that required me to be at work at 5:00 am. Then I got a job at a Casino that required me to be at work until 4:00 am. Needless to say, my body is very confused and caffeine is now my best friend. I'm really excited I know how to work this little contraption, as it will save me mucho money in the long run. Especially since we get our coffee beans for free thanks to Ricky's many years of devoted service to Starbucks. 

So anyways, I'm sitting here enjoying my coffee and the morning in general and just feeling very content and happy. So happy, in fact, that I am now going to make a list of all the things that are making me happy. Because lists make me happy.

Things I'm Loving Right Now

* Pandora. Specifically my Mumford & Sons, Lykke Li, and Yeah Yeah Yeah stations.

* Branching out at breakfast. After ten plus years of obsessively eating cereal, I've started expanding my palate. Today I had a cinnamon raisin 8-grain role with cream cheese and an apple with my coffee. Yum.

* Our apartment's hardwood floors.

* The smell of spring.

* All the vegetables that are now in season.

* Dancing, dancing, dancing.

* New pens.

* Getting to repay Ricky for all those times he took me out to dinner, paid more than his share of rent, and so on.

* Wearing dresses.

* Ricky waking me up yesterday and handing me a bag of free samples from Sephora that he got from work. Hooray for teeny bottles of Gucci and J'Adore Dior perfume.

* Beet salad

* The little old lady who came up to me at work on Sunday and told me "Honey, you just look so cute! I believe in telling people when they look cute, and you are just the cutest!".

* Belting in the shower.

* Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

* A full tank of gas.

* The promise of summer just around the corner.

* A good cocktail.

* My family.

* A good book. Right now it's Edward Rutherfurd's New York: The Novel.

* A good nap.

* Musicals.

* Running in to old friends.

* Thai food.

* Getting to choreograph a musical again after my eight month hiatus.

Mmmmmm. I could go on and on I think, but I'll stop here. I rocked my audition yesterday (double pirouettes every time!) and I have a good feeling about the one I have tomorrow. With singing auditions I have had the habit of psyching myself out, but I just feel like I'm going to do well. I'm tired of subconsciously sabotaging my efforts and I'm ready to show 'em what I've got.

As that really bad actor in those horrendous 5-hour-energy commercials awkwardly says to himself -

Let's do this.

I can't think of a title

Why is it that every blog post of mine seems to start with the sentiment "Wow, it's been like a week since I've updated"?

Whoops.

In all seriousness, my life is weirdly busy. And I say "weirdly" as in I've begun keeping really strange hours. Especially on the weekends. But, we've gone over this before. I won't bore you.

Except to say that I really miss Ricky. Working four late nights in a row means I only see him for the few hours that we both occupy the bed. It makes me very sad.


However, I have three days off in a row so that makes me happy. However, I have two auditions and a rehearsal, so those days will still be busy. But not stay-up-until-4-in-the-morning-serving-gamblers-alcohol busy.

I was going to post more, but I just realized I have to leave for my audition right now. I will post a longer post tomorrow. I PROMISE.

kthxbai

I have a theory

Yikes. I kind of abandoned my little blog here for a week or so.

The good news is, you didn't miss much in the often-exciting, dependably hilarious, well-worth-reading-about life of Kate. I think I went grocery shopping, went to rehearsals, saw some friends and worked. You know. The usual. (I tried to type a shortened slang version of "the usual" that I often use in real life, but I could not for the life of me figure out how to spell it. The closest thing I could come up with was "The usse" but I'm pretty sure everyone would decide that their suspicions about the state of my mental health had been positively confirmed. Do you know what I'm talking about though?)

I don't have a lot to talk about right now.

OH.

Except for I thought of this theory. It's about depression. And when I say "depression" I'm talking about the diagnosable, chemical-imbalance type situation.

At the risk of sounding like a completely horrible person, I'm going to admit something. I have a really hard time sympathizing with people with depression. And I don't mean "I can't sympathize" in that I think they should suck it up and just get over it, I mean that I honestly cannot imagine having the kind of depression that affects so many people so dramatically. Of course I can relate to being sad about things, even heartbroken, and I can relate to those days where you just kind of feel "blah". But the depression that many people end up getting treated for eludes my personal experience.

So I was sitting here recently, contemplating this, and I came to a realization about myself. Not only am I a generally positive, optimistic person, but I actually get REALLY SUPER ANGRY when something happens in my life that compromises my ability to be happy. For example, when Ansley relapsed while I was in high school and had to begin chemotherapy, I was sad but I was also really super angry. Angry because I felt obligated to be sad and depressed because it was so obviously sad and depressing. But I didn't want to be. I was pissed off at cancer for making me be all sad and crap. I recall waiting eagerly for the shock of the diagnoses to pass so that we could settle into a routine, make the chemo part of our day-today life, and get back to being our regular goofy selves.

I realize this a peculiar reaction. But man, I just hate being sad. And I am more than willing to cut down my obligatory sad-time as much as humanly possible.

Here's where the theory comes in. If people can have a chemical imbalance in their brains that makes them prone to being depressed, can it also go the other direction? Can you have an imbalance in your brain that makes you more prone to being happy? Like extra happy? Can you have diagnosable happiness?

Because, I think I might have that.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think diagnosable happiness is a thing? Have you ever had depression? Are my views super offensive? Do you wanna go get some ice cream?

Lemme know!

My life is awesome AND embarrassing!

Well, the Red Ranger Recording Session finally happened this weekend, to the extreme joy and relief of everyone involved. Not much else to say about that whole thing except for it was freaking awesome to see the whole cast together in one place again (I mentioned this before, but this practically never, ever happens. Except for as I typed this I remembered that I once choreographed a production of Hair that had a full run, and then it got invited to tour to Canada but one girl couldn't go so they asked me to join the cast because I obviously knew all the choreography. So in that case, yes, the whole cast got together again, minus one, and did the show some more. Also, it was doubly awesome because whoever was marketing this whole shootin' match advertised us as "The American Touring Cast of Hair" which was technically true because we were American and we were touring, be we weren't, you know, the actual American touring cast. But we got to sing on their morning news and feel like rock stars and wow this tangent has really gotten away from me.)

ANYWAYS.

It was fun. I can check "Sing on a Cast Recording of a Musical" off my big bucket list. Also I got to see these adorable faces again.

And watch the Red Ranger of Mars do his thing.

All in all, a big success. I was really sleepy that day, because of work the night before (can I just mention that as much as I love making lotsa money, I do miss being awake in the morning time). Weekends are really wiping me out, because while it's the time that I make the most money, it's also the time that I have the most rehearsals/voice lessons/recording sessions. So I'll be standing there, feeling all groggy, and then I'll look around me and realize that even though my days are packed full of obligations, my obligations are usually really, really awesome.

So that's good.

I don't have a good transition here, but last night me and Ricky went out to the opening of Sun Liquor Distillery, the newest venture of the owner of our favorite bar ever, Sun Liquor. We had two drinks each, and although that seemed reasonable at the time, those drinks really sneak up on you. So naturally, on our walk home we decided we needed some good, greasy drunk food. Which lead us to Hot Mama's Pizza. Which was closed, because it was midnight on a Monday. BUT then we remembered that this one time we happened to walk by at just the right time, and the girl who was closing up shop gave us a box full of pizza that was otherwise going to be thrown away. So, obviously, snuck down to the dumpster in the parking garage, and lo and behold, there was a box full of pizza sitting on top. So we took it and walked home eating pizza the whole way and we were really happy. Did I mention we were kind of drunk? 

Proof.

And now I feel like a huge fatty because I drunkenly ate pizza found on a dumpster and wrote about it on the internet.

Hi mom!

Also, fellow Seattlites, think twice before judging me because as gross as it sounds, I just bestowed the secret of free pizza on Capitol Hill. And I will add that Ricky and I both had roughly three pieces and neither of us got food poisoning. You're welcome.

That's all I got. Check back soon, more posts are percolating in my brain!

Miss you for always

I thought about this post for a long time, and each time I contemplated writing it, or what I would say, things ended in tears.

Today I was going to revisit the days leading up to my sister, Ansley's death.

I was going to write about the smell of spring, and the sense of a childhood lost that I get whenever I think about that day frozen in time.

I was going to write about what I miss, what makes me sad, what hurts the most about not having my little sister around anymore.

This was going to be a very sad post.

However, today I went to her myspace to revisit her blog, and I was overcome with unexpected happiness. Happiness because I remembered how full of life, even in the face of overwhelming despair and tragedy, she was. No matter what. Happiness because she strove to live each day to it's fullest and appreciate every tiny opportunity she was given. Not because she wanted to be "inspirational" or any such nonsense. It was honestly because she loved life and wanted to make each second count.

In honor of the third anniversary of her passing, I'd like to post this blog post of hers. Ansley wrote this on June 23, 2007.

I see wonderful things everywhere.

Then all these horrible happenings and petty annoyances ruin all of it. Hospitals ruining summers, diseases ruining lives, the lack of tomato in the school's veggie subs. Little imperfections tarnish the wonder.

But then, I go on Photobucket and find cool pictures.

I read a good book.

I listen to a song on repeat for an hour.

I remember the Silly Putty Incident and Dare Nite.

I plot and plan our next schemes for this summer.

I sing "King of New York"

And the world is better. Little stupid paperclip happiness. Even when the entire world crumbles around us, we have tuna cans and hobos and striped suspenders and waterballoons. That's enough. That's all I'm living for.

Hospital beds force you to sit with your thoughts. They force you to decide things about yourself.

Hospital beds are a lot like star-filled nights. Those nights where you lay on your back and wonder about eternity and realms beyond and life and death, watching those innumerable stars above you. You think about the same things when your stuck in a hospital bed day after day, year after year. But, just like trying to puzzle out those mysteries in your starry night, no answers unraveling the great universe have come clear in a hospital bed either. Not to me. Not yet.

Tomorrow, the official anniversary of her death, I will be very busy with multiple rehearsals and a late night shift. But I think that's how she would want it. She wouldn't want me to wallow. She would want me to live my life with intensity. And I'm going to. In fact, I'm going to live it with double the gusto, double the adventure, and double the love. One for me and one for her.

P.S.  Please check out her blog. It's a little outdated (myspace!) but well worth the read. Especially if you want to know more about the funny, creative, talented, vivacious girl who was my sister.

I am sick, and more nonsense.

OMG you guys. I'm dying.

Not literally (I hope), but seriously I am miserably, miserably sick. I started feeling kind of woozy on Saturday during rehearsal for Redd Legg, but I figured it was because I was tired from work the night before (despite the fact that I got seven hours of sleep, which is usually satisfactory for my body). My shift Saturday night was awful. One of those days where everything that could possibly go wrong did, and then some. I started feeling definitely sickish as I was working, but again figured it was because it was my first time working graveyard and I was just sleepy. Then I woke up Sunday and I was dead.

Okay, not really. But, you know, kind of. Also, I sneezed eight times writing that paragraph.

I had voice lessons on Sunday, which went fairly well considering someone had lit an elephant on fire and stuck it on my chest. However, things descended into chaos as the day progressed. I met Katya for Korean food during my two hour break before David's rehearsal for NWNW, and ate practically nothing. I then proceeded to mistake not one, not two, but FOUR complete strangers for different friends of mine. Oh, hello hallucinations!

Anyways, today is day three and I feel pretty much the same as day one. I am angry that I have spent all of my days off laying around feeling crappy. However, last night I did make a delicious dinner AND chocolate chip cookies because I am sick and I no longer live with my mom and someone has to take care of these sick-time necessities.

Also, a girl disappeared from the UW campus on Sunday and still hasn't been found. It makes me really sad. She has a history of depression. I thought about it and decided that if I was in her family I think the better option would be for her to have been kidnapped, because then if she turns up dead there is at least someone you can pin the blame on and not be tormented with all of that "Could I have been a better parent/friend/sibling/pet" stuff. However, as a Seattle citizen I really hope she committed suicide, because if not it means there is someone in the area who is snatching people and I AM NOT OKAY WITH THAT.

Although, best case scenario would be that she just got really, really lost and wanders home very soon.

Sigh, I am so delirious right now.

Do not read if you are expecting to be in any way amused.

Ricky and I went out for drinks with Jo and Chris last night, and it was super fun. However, may I point out how strange it is to be old enough to hang out as couples? It makes me feel like such a grown-up, which is a rare feeling for me.

I finished reading "American Rose, A Nation Laid Bare: The Life and Times of Gypsy Rose Lee". It was super good and far less depressing than the last book I read; "Anne Frank: The Book, The Life, and the Afterlife." Clearly I've been on a biography kick lately.

I'm getting antsy to be in a musical again.

My plan for tonight is to choreograph a dance, cook dinner, tidy, work out, and stretch. And it's 6:45 already?! Geesh, I better get going.

This is a really boring post.